Yeah. Big Dog, Tiny Horse.

https://twitterwithbraincells.blogspot.com/2024/02/that-wasnt-totally-terrible-interruption.html

Sorry, did I forget to mention the part where I lasso'd him?! As, clearly, that's the best part of this anecdote.

It really wasn't that difficult. I just held up the lasso and went;

"Are you a good doggo?"

And he went; "Yes. I'm very good doggo!" putting himself in the lasso.

After many traumatic hours of Googling pictures of dogs I've concluded he was some sort of English Bull Mastiff. I gather these are known as; "The Gamekeeper's Bodyguard."

Viewers of Game Of Thrones may know that in Britain we have the Kings, Lords and other assorted landed gentry. They have these vast estates of countryside in which they keep all sorts of animals (game) to hunt, for fun.

They employ people known as; "Gamekeepers" to patrol that land to stop poor people hunting that game for food (Poachers).

Traditionally English Bull Mastiffs patrol that land with the Gamekeeper and his shotgun. Ready to spring into action to protect him. Should he encounter any Poachers, with their shotguns and dogs.

Obviously this English Bull Mastiff didn't have an estate to patrol or a Gamekeeper to protect. So instead he'd adopted this Terrier as his protectee. I'm far from an expert on dog breeds. However this struck me as something of a West Highland Terrier, albeit with a long, fluffy coat.

Once I had the English Bull Mastiff on the lead. His protectee knew it was important to stay close.

Needless to say, the Foxes and the Cats were not impressed.

While I'm just disappointed that I didn't get to keep him.

So I genuinely think this was just something that happened. Rather than some big, planned political performance. If it was planned then, clearly, it was planned by someone who just doesn't know me at all.

However, if I really wanted to reach and stretch for a political narrative. Then I would play the Pokemon card of my sister-in-law.

She is a Muslim, born in India. She is also absolutely terrified of dogs. 

We often ponder whether this is because dogs are considered "unclean" amongst many Muslims. We also wonder whether that's because diseases like Rabies are endemic in many predominantly Muslim countries. Along with many non-Muslim majority land masses. Or whether some people are just scared of dogs.

Not that we get to ponder for long.

As, as far as my mothers' dog is concerned, the only person who is scared of dogs is the best game ever.

My mothers dog is a Cocker Spaniel. She likes to greet everyone she knows by charging into them and jumping up at them, on her hind legs. To give their faces a big, aggressive kiss. 

Standing at around 40cm and weighing around 15kg this is more than enough to knock my sister-in-law and my mothers over. Whereas she thinks me and my brother are great. She just, sort of, bounces off, without us really noticing.

So I'll agree that if you are scared of dogs, a smaller person; such a child or an older human, or the owner of some smaller, prey-like animal. Or possibly just the driver of a smaller car.

Then a 65cm, 32kg dog charging about could present a bit of an issue.

So in Khanistan Police's defence; Who doesn't want to go play with the big, slobbery dog?!

It certainly seems a lot more fun than battling that latest brave, knife-wielding, warrior against #Islamaphobia!™

It actually reminds me of a time working as a traffic warden. When one of the traffic wardens returned to base, with a lost dog he'd found.

Even the big boss was like;

"Right, that's it. All parking restrictions are now suspended!"

"All staff must immediately return to base. To play with the dog!"

"Then, hopefully, go out again. To try and find the dogs owner."

Of course if I really wanted to bring the mood down, mention a real political issue for a moment.

Sadly. I think this pair were someone's much beloved pets. Until that Cost-of-Living Crisis meant they could no longer afford to feed them.

So they took them to the local dog park, took off their collars and just let them go.

When they should have just taken them to the local PDSA.

https://www.pdsa.org.uk/donate/regular-donations

If they couldn't have helped them keep their pets. Then they could, at least, have taken their pets directly to a re-homing shelter.

#DogsOnString!

Obviously. I would have preferred to remember all of that at the time.

However, from my perspective. This story began with a strange man and his big, scary dog standing in my yard, uninvited. Appearing to take pictures of my car on his phone.

So we all had to  quickly crash through a good couple of gears there.

Seriously though.

If you are lucky enough to be trying to decide between adopting a large dog or a small horse. I can certainly recommend one.

I'm still tempted to take him on myself.

It would certainly save me the trouble of having to bite intruders.